Moving Overseas to Live with Psychopaths

For the past three years, I have gotten into less than ideal situations when it comes to who I live with. Unfortunately, these situations normally come up for people with a low income. The chance of not finding a good situation doubles when moving over seas. Not to mention the normal things that could be a problem such as culture differences and language barriers. It is really scary moving but it is also very exciting. All the possibilities the new country holds. All the new experiences and amazing people to meet. I normally favor towards extreme joy with the idea of moving to a new place but after the past three years things have changed.

My first year over seas was very hard because before that I had amazing roommates that became my really good friends. For visa reasons normally it is required to find a place and contract prior to leaving for the new country. Not many people want to let you into their home without meeting you, duh. Finally, I found a lady who was willing to let me rent without meeting in person first. The first month was fine, we didn’t have much to talk about as we didn’t really speak the same language and she was almost sixty. After we got a little more comfortable with each other things started to change. Because it was her home she made ALL of the rules. Which include no friends over to the house, after 2200 (10 pm) no internet, I wasn’t aloud to come in late and if I did stay out I had to tell her before she went to bed, and then came the kitchen rules. Honestly, I don’t remember all of them now and they weren’t really the worse part. She started telling me when I could use the kitchen which seemed to only be when I had classes. I lost a lot of weight that year because I couldn’t afford to eat out all the time and I wasn’t even aloud close to the kitchen. In the end I ran away to a friends house for the last month and a half of school. 

The next year I got a sweet deal, free living/food to teach a seventy year old lady English plus nine hours of English per week to her niece and nephew. This seemed like an amazing opportunity and at the beginning it was. However, this woman had just lost her husband and had occasional yelling freak outs. I wrote it off as her mourning her late husband but it got worse and worse. Until I spent most of my time at school and hid in my room without touching anything in the house fearful that me breathing would set her off. Any time I tried to talk she would yell over me and then yell at me for not responding or talking. Most of the time she would tell me how I was a bad person, and she needed to teach me the right way to live. After months of suffering and getting more and more depressed I left. I spent the last four months living with a different friend and it was amazing! I met so many people and my school work improved so much. Surprisingly it was hard for me to leave. I didn’t have a lot of money and despite the crap she would do to me she also did really nice things in-between the bat shit crazy. When I did get up the courage to leave, I was terrified just to tell her. In fact, she yelled at me for hours finishing with I hope you grow up and treat people better. 

After spending an amazing 6 months studying abroad in Korea I went back to Italy found myself a cheap place with a cute cat. For a couple of weeks, I hung out with one of my new flatmates, but there were a couple of things that just felt weird. He liked to hurt our cat, he told stories of very violent things he did, and if a woman told him he was wrong he would blow up with anger. After a while everything I did was wrong, and he would shame me over my beliefs. When I didn’t listen to him, he started to be more physical. Putting his hands around my neck and shaking me “in a joking way.” And because it wasn’t enough to just put me down at home he started texting me insults and life advice that always ended with “I hope you find a better way in your life and future” or something along those lines. I started having dreams that he would choke me while I was sleeping. More and more days were spent outside the house until late in the morning.

Looking back at this I thought to myself ‘I have to worse luck ever’. Which might be true but I also thought fuck these people! They shouldn’t have this much power to make me feel like shit or to make me question my judgment. They made me think the way I was being treaded was my fault. I stopped question new crazy people that came into my life because I was THE PROBLEM not them. Just because they do, one nice thing out of ten bad things is not a reason to stay. 

I wrote this because I don’t feel I should be quiet about verbally abusive people. In these situations I didn’t speak up for myself, I felt trapped for financial reasons and I didn’t think it was that bad because they weren’t physically hurting me. But to stay quiet in these situations took a lot away from me, and that is what I regret most. For those of you that are in a similar situation let people know. Tell your friends, they will be more supportive than you think and don’t question yourself. At all.  

Something that has helped me

Don’t be scared to go to the police. Even if you aren’t going to “benefit” from it maybe the next person will. Leaving a trail of these bad behaviors makes it easier for actions to be taken.